I never told you
by bluecup94
Summary: Marker fluff... For now. Set as an AU to the ending of, and post, RENT. Why did Roger come back? Is it for the reasons that Mark had assumed? How will both of them cope with the death, and then resurrection, of Mimi? Oneshot, possible multi.


**I never told you**

**Disclaimer: ****No mine =( Not even some of the lines are mine, you'll know what's mine haha.**

Mark was panicked. Mark realised, in the middle of a flounder, that he was feeling like this more and more recently… Mimi had a hacking cough and Mark didn't know what he could do as the rest of his friends (Benny excluded) where rushing around and trying to make Mimi's last moments, if that's what they were, more comfortable and less inevitable. Mark meekly offered to get food and wood, in a feeble attempt to avoid looking at Roger leaning over her skinny body to sing her his new song. Her song, the song he'd come back to sing to _her_. Mark couldn't help feeling slightly jealous. It wasn't that he didn't love her, that was a lie, he loved her to pieces and much more than he had April at any rate but he still couldn't shake feeling angry that once again she'd got what he couldn't have. What April had had before her, and tons of groupies before her. They had Roger. It didn't matter what sense of the word they had him in, they still did, and Mark was resigned to the fact that he just never would. He'd resigned himself to that since he'd first realised his feelings. Mark's suggestion was shot down by Maureen and Joanne and he couldn't help feeling aggravated as he had no choice but to sit down next to them and watch his friend die, and watch his best friend fall to pieces once again in front of him. Mark knew exactly what was to come in the next few months, the moping and the brooding and the anger. Anger at himself, anger at the world, anger at everything. 'Anger at me, probably.' Mark thought bitterly, and he looked up just in time to see Roger pick up his guitar and brush a piece of hair out of Mimi's eyes. Mark found himself not wanting to look, but unable to pull away, wishing the song was for him. Wishing even that he could be dying in this moment, just so that Roger could act like this towards him…

Roger leaned down to look in Mimi's chocolatey brown eyes. They were so filled with adoration and it made Roger's stomach sink with guilt. Of course he loved Mimi, but everyone loved Mimi, and his feelings towards her didn't differ from anyone else's if he was honest. But he had to sing the song, the song written for someone else, just to keep up pretences. He wouldn't be so selfish as to ruin her last moments by telling her it was all a lie. Roger picked up his guitar as he literally felt the bated breath's of everyone in the room. It was only Mimi who was smiling, looking up at him with a glint still in her eye. She never changed. Roger gave her a brief, tight smile as he began to sing:

_Your eyes,_

_As we said our goodbyes,_

_Can't get them out of my mind,_

_And I find I can't hide,_

_From your eyes…_

Roger could feel his eyes darting quickly to Mark and back again, he looked distraught and it took all of Roger's willpower not to go over and comfort him instead of finishing up the song for his dying girlfriend, though he'd prefer to think of her as a really good friend. Not a best friend, that was Mark's title and Mark's alone. I always had been that way and it always would be.

_The ones that took me by surprise,_

_The night you came into my life,_

_Where there's moonlight,_

_I see your eyes._

Roger knew he had to at least make it _sound _like it was for Mimi. But if he was honest, the lyrics fit pretty well with Mark as well. The deep blue of Mark's ocean-like eyes _had_ taken him by surprise when they'd first met. And moonlight _did_ make him think of Mark's eyes, because everything that Roger saw made him think of Mark…

_How'd I let you slip away,_

_When I'm longing so to hold you?_

The trueness of these words for Roger were painful, a stab in the heart. Even when Mimi and Mark had both tried to stop him from leaving, both bared their hearts to him he had still left.

_Now I'd die for one more day,_

_Coz there's something I should have told you,_

_Yes there's something I should have told you,_

_When I looked into your eyes._

Tears pooled in Roger's eyes, these last lyrics were for Mimi. Roger was racked with guilt that he'd never told Mimi how he really felt, that he'd always strung her along, and Mark as well. Roger thought everyone deserved to be angry at him for what he'd done.

_Why does distance make us wise?_

_You were the song all along,_

_And before this song dies,_

_I should tell you,_

_I should tell you,_

_I have always loved you,_

_You can see it in my eyes._

Being away from Mark had truly given Roger the perspective he needed to finish his song, his song for Mark. A fact he would probably never know. Roger noticed that Mark had finished his film while he was gone as well, thinking that perhaps his absence had had the same effect on him. As he finished the last words of his song, he gave one last glance to Mark, who now looked like he was about to cry and that did it. Roger looked back down to Mimi with tears running down his face as the fires in her eyes slowly started to die out. She used the last of her strength to pull him down so that his ear was by her mouth.

"That wasn't for me, was it?" Her question surprised Roger to no end. She didn't seem angry, or even very upset. He sat up and gave a slight shake of the head, he had never wanted her to know the truth 'and now here I am screwing things up on her deathbed!' Roger thought angrily. Or maybe it was better she go to the grave with the truth. 'Go for it' She mouthed silently at him before her eyelids finally gave in and sagged and closed. Roger picked her limp body up in his arms and shouted her name. He didn't know why… Maybe it was because he was mourning her loss even though he didn't love her in that way. He couldn't even imagine what he would do if this was Mark in his arms right now… Probably die right along with him to be honest. They had been through too much heartache and tackled too much together to ever live apart, in any sense. Roger wanted to pretend he came back from Sante Fe for Mimi, he'd always been good at pretending and making people believe him, but Roger knew the truth. He also suspected that Collins knew the truth, from little jabs and snatches of conversation they'd had over the years. Roger had loved Mark for as long as he could remember, he just never had the courage to speak his mind, nor would he want to break something as strong as their friendship, or hurt Mark's religion in any way. There were so many reasons why Roger knew he shouldn't say anything but one recurring thought kept springing it's way back to the forefront, 'But what if, _what if_, he does like you back?…'

Mark watched Roger holding Mimi's body and died a little more inside. The way he had practically screamed her name, the days of happy Roger were gone already. Mark could feel his own happiness already slipping away as it often did when Roger was unhappy. Mark had found himself growing accustomed to Roger's random mood changes and feeling them right along with him. That's how close they were, how unbreakable they were, how much they were meant to be together… Mark barely dared to think the last part, even if it was only him who knew it. Mark knew he wasn't the only one who thought that him and Roger belonged together. Ever since him, Roger and Collins had become friends all those years ago Collins was constantly on to him and hounding him to tell him the truth. It wasn't that long ago that Mark finally gave in. Collins had not reacted the way he had expected. Sure he had gone to smirk at first but when he saw Mark's expression of utter despair he had gone as soft as a beanbag, enveloping Mark in a well needed purely platonic hug, something he couldn't ever have from Roger again. But Mark hadn't cried, no he never cried. That was a lie, he only cried around one person, and at that moment that person was too busy wrapped up in his dead girlfriend's arms to notice how he was feeling, and Mark would rather have it that way…

Mark watched in absolute awed horror as Mimi's hand began to twitch. She was alive? Was Mark happy or sad about this? Neither, more… disappointed? Mark resisted the urge and instead got up and hugged Mimi closely, along with everyone else.

"I was walking… towards this warm white light, and I swear, Angel was there! And she looked gooooood!" Everyone couldn't help but chuckle at this, "She told me, turn around girlfriend, you've got a job to do. Go and do what my wonderful boyfriend didn't. It's all down to you." Mark watched in confusion as she shared a significant glance with Collins and then looked deeply into Roger's eyes as she said, "She told me, you know what to do." Mark watched her eyes glint, but he couldn't determine what emotion she was feeling. Mark repressed the urge to cry out or scream or _something_ as Roger took her in his arms again and gave her a massive hug.

"You're drenched." He chuckled.

"Her fever's breaking!" Maureen announced happily as they all turned to stare at the miraculously recovered girl before them. Mark decided the best thing to do would be to start to sing, so that's what he did…

"You'll be okay downstairs Mimi?" Roger couldn't help but sound worried for her, she knew he still cared for her whatever happens. Something hard glinted in Mimi's eyes.

"I'll be fine." She said aloud, then she dropped her voice to a dangerous whisper, "Now don't you _dare_ let us down." Roger swallowed, she had never told him what her job was to do, but she didn't have to. Her and Collins had made it perfectly clear that Roger and Mark needed this, needed each other and he couldn't disagree. Mark even subconsciously was willing him on when he had burst into song. Roger smiled down at the frail frame that was Mimi.

"I won't… I promise." He pressed a light kiss to Mimi's sweat chilled forehead and saw her out the door. He closed the metal door with a light clang. Everyone was finally gone, it was finally his moment, _their_ moment. Roger was nervous but he didn't want to fuck it up either. Mark was sat, fiddling with something on the couch. Roger knew he was pretending not to be watching him, but Roger knew that Mark was always watching him. He always had. As Roger got closer to the couch, and closer to telling Mark, he became surer that the small filmmaker felt the same way. Just little signs, that he should have noticed before. Roger was bathed in 'what if's' and 'I should've' but now was not the time for those. This moment mattered, and he would give it his full attention. Mark didn't look up when Roger sat down, he'd been avoiding eye contact a lot lately. Another sign?…

"Marky." Mark's head snapped up as Roger used the old nickname for him that he'd given up on since he'd changed when April first came along. Mark stared at him for a long moment and Roger realised just how much he'd missed looking into those deep blue eyes. At this very moment they were sparkling in the moonlight, as they had the moment he'd first met him.

"So… Mimi knows you're back." Mark said in what was clearly meant to be an off-handed manner but the jealous edge to his voice spurred Roger on.

"Please, I don't want to talk about her, this isn't about her." Mark gaped. Roger realised this was the wrong choice of words after what he just happened, "No! No! That's not what I meant, I just, um…" Roger trailed off and scratched the back of his head hesitantly. How was he even supposed to begin to explain? "I didn't tell you why I came back…"

Mark stared at Roger blankly.

"I assumed it was because of Mimi." Roger actually chuckled at this and Mark felt himself growing frustrated and even more confused. It felt to him like everyone knew something he didn't.

"I suppose you also assume that I'm in love with her hmm?" There was such a humorous and detached note to Roger's voice that Mark couldn't help but knit his eyebrows. The only word that came to his mind was 'what?'.

"What?" The thought appeared to have verbalised and Mark seemed surprised by his reaction, which Roger thought was entirely adorable. Roger couldn't help himself any longer. He inched closer to Mark and leant in so that his mouth was right by his ear.

"I think you shouldn't be so quick to judge Marky. There's a whole heap of things here that you seem to have got mixed up." Mark pulled away from Roger's body in a jerky motion, only being able to move a few centimetres due to his position on the couch. His eyebrows knitted even further.

"Like what?" Roger took this question seriously, he didn't want Mark under any false pretences.

"Okay, number one, I'm not in love with Mimi. I love her, yes, but like a friend, a member of my family. Only a recent discovery I assure you, I'm not an inbred animal." Roger was pleased to hear a laugh bubble from Mark's gorgeous lips, "Number two, I didn't come back for Mimi, of course I didn't. I came back for someone else." Roger took note of Mark's facial expression, he looked like he wanted to ask who it was but stopped himself, "And number three, the song that I wrote in Santa Fe wasn't even for Mimi, it was for the person I…" Roger stopped himself as his breath caught and he realised, "The person I love…" Mark looked like he didn't know how to process anything any more.

"I can't… I don't… Roger, I-" Mark was cut off my Roger's lips pressing roughly against his. Mark took a moment to get used to what was happening before he pulled away, wide eyed, "Wait a minute, you mean you, and me? Roger, I-" Roger reached a hand out to cover Mark's mouth softly. He chuckled.

"Mark, for once in your life, please just shut up?" Roger helped him do just that by pressing their lips firmly together again, this time with Mark melting into his touch. Roger brought a hand up to cup Mark's face. The feeling surpassed everything that both of them could possibly have imagined. Mark had never felt so comfortable and calm kissing someone before. Maybe that was because every time he had, he'd seen Roger's face in his mind instead of whoever it was he was kissing. For Roger, things finally felt right. The unsettled, vaguely unhappy and unsatisfied feeling that had been lingering in his chest for months now had gone. Mark pulled away again and stared right into the emerald green eyes that had captivated him for so long.

"I can't even believe that that just happened." He said quietly. Roger smiled broadly at him.

"I guess Mimi's job has been successfully completed already." Mark looked up.

"Her job? She was… Oh." Mark trailed off as he realised what the implications of Roger's words were. At least Collins would be happy that something finally happened. Mark could imagine his teasing and taunting the next time they saw each other.

"I meant it you know." Roger's factual statement made Mark blink in confusion.

"You meant what?" He asked. Roger stared unwaveringly into his eyes and they held each other gaze, fascinated by what they saw.

"When I said the song was for the person I loved." It suddenly dawned on Mark all that Roger had said. Roger had come back for him, written the song for him and loved _him_. Mark had never thought any of this would come true and he threw himself into Roger's lap, nuzzling his face in the crook of Roger's neck.

"Can I hear it again please?" Mark's voice was so quiet that Roger barely heard him, but it didn't and it made his heart flutter.

Mark listened in silence, feeling as though his chest might explode with the amount of butterflies trying to escape.

"It's beautiful…" Mark whispered, almost not daring to speak too loudly in case it ruined the moment. Roger set his guitar down and pulled Mark onto his lap.

"As are you…" Mark blushed and hit Roger playfully on the arm, trying to hide a big yawn.

"I'm tired, can I, um…" Mark's question went unasked as Roger simply nodded.

"Of course." Roger picked Mark up in his arms and was surprised by just how light he really was. He'd never really noticed before. Roger carried him into his bedroom and laid him carefully down on the bed, flopping down on his side next to him. Mark sleepily pulled his T shirt over his head and his trousers off and settled under the covers while Roger eyed him hungrily before pouting.

"That's hardly fair! You're tempting me!" He whined. Mark smiled lazily.

"Get over it and come over here." Roger didn't need telling twice. He practically ripped his shirt and trousers off and went to lay down, dragging Mark securely against his side. Mark felt the urge to tell Roger exactly how he felt, but decided against it at this exact moment as he didn't want to rush anything and Roger hadn't actually said it out loud either. So Mark just settled for pressing himself as tightly against Roger's side as he could and hoping his frantically beating heart did the talking for him…

**A/N: ****And there was my first Rentfic. Was it awful? I'd love to know what you think… And whether it should stay as a oneshot or not? Everything's up in the air for now so it's up to you, all my lovely readers for the answers! Please R&R and let me know how I did! Thank you =)**


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